The Doubts of One, Agent Doggett
by Lauren Rae
Summary: Agent Doggett's thoughts and doubts... about the X-Files as well as himself.


Disclaimer: X-Files and all of it's characters (Doggett, Mulder, Scully, etc) don't belong to me. They are the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and FOX. This is a fanfic that is told from Doggett's point of view. It was a 2 a.m. rambling, but it turned into a decent story. So here it is! (..) 

Spoiler Alert: This whole story is basically a spoiler for the 8th season. It covers various events and ideas from the 8th season (all from Doggett's PoV). Proceed with caution...! 

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I walk down the busy halls of the J. Edgar Hoover building. I see their eyes. They're staring me down...as if they expect me to do something. I take the elevator down to the basement.

At first I thought "What am I doing down here? There's no opportunity at all. I'll never be able to climb the ladder from this hole." But then my thoughts changed. I stop at the door for a moment. Now that he's back I feel like I'm an obstacle. 

But why?

I was assigned to find him with Scully. And I did. Like the good little dog that I am... I listened to my "superior's" every word. And then...

"Are you Agent Doggett?" Then a punch. Some gratitude. I understand how he feels though. And I understand how she feels too. He feels as if he's been left behind. He feels as if I'm an "alien" invader to his X-Files. Maybe I am. And she... Well, I got the same reaction from her when we were first assigned. "Bastard!" and then the water. Warm welcome. But she grew on me like she grew on him. I respect them and their work. I don't want to be the one to kill it.

I don't open the door. I press my ear against it instead and listen. They're in there. 

She says: Mulder, you should give him a chance.

He says: I don't trust him.

She says: He helped me find you. I think that he truly wanted to find you...

He says: Yeah, so then he can report back to Kersh...and shut me down.

She says: Not everybody's out to get you.

He says: Trust no one. You, of all people, should know that by now.

She says: Mulder... (in a frustrated tone)

He says: Well what about that incident with the census man? He set us up.

She says: I think that he was set up.

He says: He's endangering our work. He doesn't belong here.

I say: Fight the future. 

Was I being set up? I can't say. But Kersh wants the X-Files to be shut down. Am I the messenger? There's an old saying that goes something like: the messenger always gets killed. If I go against Kersh, I'm killing my chances in success. If I go against them... well, what would it prove? 

The X-Files have become more to me. No, I don't believe in aliens or the paranormal or any of that stuff. But... I believe in them. They're on a crusade. I want to be part of it. I want to solve all of the unsolvable mysteries. But nobody knows that.

The world sees me as a hardworking agent, driven by the will to succeed. I was at one time. Now I don't know who I am. Am I just a puppet? A tool to be used in Kersh's game and then be disposed of? A few months ago, I wouldn't have questioned it, but they've changed my perspective on things. They've taught me to question. It's like a disease. I question my every move internally. Where is this going to lead me? Off a cliff... Maybe I'm deep-sixing my career already.

I step away from the door and pace back and forth. Back... forth... back... forth... Seconds pass like minutes. Minutes pass like hours. And so on. Three words echo in my mind. A few days ago those words were "fight the future." The words have twisted into "he doesn't belong."

"Fight the future."

"He doesn't belong."

"Fight the future!"

"He doesn't belong!"

Should I stay? Should I leave? Maybe he's right. It's his crusade. I was just a temporary replacement. Now that he's back, I'm no longer needed. So, go on, Agent Doggett. Go and fight your own crusade. Go become a success. Shut down the X-Files. Climb the ladder. Prove to the world what a coward you are. I want to be part of it! I want to find the truth for me... and her and even him. 

The door opens abruptly.

She says: Agent Doggett!

He gives me a "look" and then pretends to be absorbed with the ceiling. 

I turn and walk back down the hall.

I hear her call me back to them... to their crusade.

I feel his eyes...cold daggers in my back.

Maybe he's right.

Maybe I really don't belong...


End file.
